Tuesday, April 1, 2014

The Promised Bacon

Yo!  You know what you need in your life?  MO' BACON.  Mo' bacon is mo' better.  Vegetarian?  You could use some more quiche up in that mouth.  Real men, real women, real children...they all eat quiche.  Not those fake men.  They eat plastic corn on the cob.  Not the fake women, though, because they're dieting.

Sunday, March 30, 2014

What's up?

Nothing much here. I've been watching a lot of Netflix.  Like, A LOT.  That's why I haven't been blogging.  It must be showing because someone in my tap class recently asked me if I was pregnant.  And it wasn't a man.  And it wasn't a joke.  And when I told her no, it was just a food baby, she didn't believe me and asked me AGAIN.  So I guess I need to either do jumping jacks while I watch Netflix or eat more fiber so I can deliver my food babies before tap class .  Once, a few years back, I ate a lot of Fiber One bars staying with some family not knowing the effect that more than one would have on my body and I can assure you that you do not want to eat more than one Fiber One bar per twenty-four hours unless you are well-stocked on toilet paper and want to read the same two issues of Consumer Reports in your aunt's bathroom.

Monday, January 6, 2014

The first and second time I did bad things in the woods.

As has been a trend lately, all of this happened several months ago.  I was just too traumatized to post about it immediately following the event.  This is how I remember hiking through a monsoon in the mountains on my period.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

GET RICH QUICK

So, with the holidays approaching and all, I figured I'd help y'all out with how to make some easy money:

Take it from your kids.  Take all of it.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The Great Taco Tasting

I'm going to tell you one of the more awesome things I have done since I've graced you with my presence on this earth: I starved myself for a week and then went to Taco Bell.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Kids Eating Sandwiches

We went to the mountains in Virginia over our summer track-out to have a reunion with Matt's extended family before settling down to eat and burn anything that was semi-flammable.